Meditation confessions


My interest for meditation began in my teens. Through yoga and meditation classes, my practice and discipline flourished. As little as two years ago, my meditation practice was very different and I liked it that way.

I did it here and there, with friends, or when I felt like it. In fact, I mostly used it for preparation before stprots competitions or before exams using preparatory visualisations. In the past five years, I made the decision to put more focus on my personal meditation practice. If I am truly honest with myself and with you, it has really been one year since I have made actions in my practice that portrays this decision. This doesn’t make me good enough or not good enough. My practice is developing with time, with where I am in my life, and through the true effort that I put in its growth.

I have therefore decided to share some of my reflections with you with the hope that it may guide you or even let you reflect with me. Keep in mind that there is no judgement here. Its rather a real talk that I had with myself. If you have never meditated or if you have been practicing forever, I encourage you to notice your process, accept it, and love it. It is yours.

The moments that I need it the most…I usually don’t want to

Sometimes, after long days all I want to do is watch my tv shows. Occasionally, when I am anxious, the last thing I want to do is to meditate, even if I know that its is what would help me most. However, there is a small voice inside of me that says “Jade, that is just an illusion. You know that tv shows don’t revitalize you like meditation does, you know that your breath will help you decrease the butterflies in your heart.” The incredible part is that the more I listen to this little voice, the more it becomes solid, and the more I hear it, and the more I do it.

2. I find discipline to be incredibly hard, but truthfully it’s the best

Lets just say discipline is not my strength. When I was a competitive athlete, discipline was much easier. I wouldn’t do it only for me but also for my team. More and more, my meditation practice and yoga are teaching me personal discipline. Surprisingly, this type of discipline nourishes me more than I could have ever imagined. It’s by trying to install discipline, one step at a time, that I realize I need so much more.

3. Having a teacher whom I trust has changed my practice and my application

Again, a great teacher and guide, has made an immense difference in my path. In addition, participating in a meditation group that supports one another, shares their experiences difficulties and achievements have been catalysts for my application and discipline.

4. The more I practice, the more I crave it; the more I apply it; the more benefits I gain.

It just so happens that when I become very busy, my meditation practice can come second. However, when I remember to put the accent on my practice, my thirst for it becomes greater than other distractions. It becomes a need.

5. There will always be distractions or other things that I can do. Meditation is a choice.

It is a choice one must prioritize, especially if they are very busy. It can be very easy to put other things first. A Tibetan monk once told me: it’s funny; people hate doing the dishes, yet the dishes come before meditation. I have also noticed that when I am about to mediate, suddenly the world needs me. I may get a phone call or someone may need my help to do a task (you get the idea). Before, I may have let this bother me, but now I am trying to concentrate on myself and instead I will call back later.

Having a consistent mediation practice is not easy but it is nourishing and rewarding. The more I practice, the more I need it, and the more I realize there is so much space inside of me that is ready to grow. The process towards the interior is really magical. I wish you a wonderful practice of discovery and reflection.

Article écrit par Jade Isis-Lefèbvre

Photos par Marï Photographie